Lines and Waiting

Emunah is difficult. There are times when I want to give up and pretend, again, like I'm in control. That I run my life. Yet the thing that I am reminded of most consistently is how little control that I actually have in my life and in this world. My major feat, my big achievement, can be waiting for four hours in the cold waiting for the power to come on in the visa office. I could have left. I had thousands of opportunities to leave, but I stayed. 

I stayed because I said " Israel runs on a maybe....maybe the power will come back on, maybe peace will flourish, maybe people won't drive like they are playing a videogame...maybe, just maybe."

Emunah is an acknowledgement that Hashem runes the world and while I have special place in that world and a special role to play, the world does not revolve around me and my own needs. I have to stick it out even when I don't really want to. I believe that Hashem is always there, right next to us, hoping and silently cheering us on as we go throughout our day. 

Despite having to wait in the cold, Hashem taught me more about emunah and bitachon in those four hours than if I had listened to multiple shuirim about them.