The Jar from the Cave

I went to amazing places the last couple of days Efrat, The Israel Museum, and the Jerusalem Forrest. I met phenomenal people who inspired me in ways that I was completely unprepared for. The amazing about both of these things was that one experienced focused almost wholly on what individuals had given up to become more observant and the other focused on what we gained by coming back to Torah, appreciating and honoring our traditions and culture.

The dichotomy between the two is strange. 

Those who were raised within the observant community often look at those who come to Torah later on in life as if we are warriors having fought a battle. It was often heard " I'm not sure if I had been in your position if I would have become a baalei teshuva..."  or " What did you give up to be here?" I understand the necessity and the pragmatism of such questions and yet I wonder if it is because of their mindset that they feel as if they wouldn't be able to make the same choice. If it is because they view my choice to become a baalei teshuva as a "sacrifice" in a negative sense, as if I am giving up something that I very much value or am attached to. When they asked those questions it was never with any malintent, it was always with such a reverence of "wow, I'm not sure if I could have done that". The "sacrifice" that I made is my former self. My self that was searching for meaning, my self that was wrapped up in materialism and thirsting for the Truth. I was always more spiritual whatever that means but I also just wanted to understand what/why things were happening in the world. I wanted to be connected to my family, my heritage. Honestly, I really just wanted to know more about something I was proud to be affiliated with but knew literally nothing about. The cognitive dissonance didn't sit well with me.

I roll my eyes as I'm typing this because even to me it sounds...well a little ridiculous but it is true.

My mindset was always on what I was gaining in my life by enriching it with Torah and to be asked questions about what I was giving up almost shocked me because I am focused so much more on all that I am gaining. The difference between the two is shocking. One mindset focuses solely on the constriction of Torah observance while the other acknowledges that life must change when becoming Shomer Torah v'mitzvot but sees that the constriction endows our lives with a majesty and magic that is truly indescribable.

The places that I went to this was their focus. The focus was on what we are gaining from believing and dedicating our lives to something larger than ourselves. When we acknowledge that we do not run the world. That there is something larger and more important than ourselves, something worth engaging with on a daily, hourly, and weekly basis. Something that can breathe life into people, can rescue those who are drowning, and give hope to those who sleep in the dust. We gain so much from understanding our heritage, our culture, tradition, and religion. The important thing is to understand that those are truly one in the same, there is really no separating them and piecing them apart. Torah is all interwoven and connected, so that if even one letter...or if one person is not connected that we are all not connected. There is no separating holidays from their meaning, from bagels and lox from the idea of Ashkenazi heritage and custom from the religion, and from the people from Torah.

If you would have asked me three years ago if this is where my life would lead, I would have probably shaken my head and laughed at you. If you would have asked me six years ago I would have told you that you were insane and walked away. If you would have asked me when I was a teenager if there is where my life would have taken me I would have just muttered something under my breath but thought that you were crazy nonetheless.

"When man plans G-d laughs"