Nothing as Whole as a Broken Heart
" There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love "
I decided to look up some quotes about forgiveness so that I could sound wise and learned, rather than struggling to understand the concept of forgiveness. This quote however is really representative to what the concept of forgiveness m
eans to me.
There is a person in my life, who I was vulnerable with... I told this person all of my deep dark secrets and fears. I felt as if I was loved and accepted for who I am. This individual realized that they could not commit to a relationship in which both parties are invested equally and decided that it would be best for them to exit stage right. Despite being devastated about this I realized that this is a monumental chessed "kindness" from hashem. I was so invested in this person, in their well-being and their happiness that I ignored the blaring, flashing warning signs that were going off within our friendship that would have let me know that I was the one that was being used to prop this other individual up. Everyone has friends who unknowingly will turn to them only when they need something, these friends look to their "helpers/consolers" to make sure that everything is okay. We all need people like this in our lives, yet when someone is always taking and taking and never giving back to the relationship it is no longer a relationship. A relationship implies that there is a back-and-forth between two individuals. You become a prop in their life: Something to make them feel good and to provide them with encouragement when they are feeling low.
When this person exited my life I wasn't sure how I could forgive them. I felt betrayed, embarrassed, and ashamed of how much I had cared for them. Seeing this quote actually helps me to understand how and why I have been able to forgive them. I forgave them because I know they didn't mean to hurt me despite the fact that they did. I forgave them more for myself rather than for them. I loved this individual for who they were... and there is something to be said for the fact that they felt that they couldn't return that but knew I deserved it. I forgave this person because I had a great love for them and I want them to be happy. I forgave them because in the words of my mother " May G-d bless and keep him far away from me". I forgave them because I needed forgiveness. I forgave them because I needed to. I forgave them because I want to move on and no longer have them as a thought in my head. I forgave them because I love Hashem, and Hashem loves me and I know that there are going to be better things for me in this world.
Forgiveness starts with the understanding that the other person is not perfect. That there has never been an expectation for the other individual to be perfect but we are human and we bruise and sometimes break each other. Forgiveness comes from a love of the other person. Not from a romantic love but from a love that crosses boundaries and allows us to see each other as neshamot, as individuals who are trying. A love that comes more from compassion rather than an exacting nature of "oh, you did this for me...now I have to do this for you".
Forgiveness stems from understanding. Understanding stems from a removal of ego and a comprehension of our own fallibility. Our ability to comprehend our own fallibility can be one of our greatest weaknesses, alternatively it can also be our greatest strength if harnessed appropriately. When we are able to love ourselves, look at ourselves with an acceptance of our own mistakes, weaknesses and pitfalls, we can fall in love with ourselves fully. Once we are able to do that then we can hope to understand another and grow to forgive them. It is not easy and by no means am I done on this forgiveness journey.
I am off to a good start and getting better everyday by investing in myself, my own pursuits and my own happiness.
Photo: K. Kaufman "There is nothing as whole as a broken heart"
I decided to look up some quotes about forgiveness so that I could sound wise and learned, rather than struggling to understand the concept of forgiveness. This quote however is really representative to what the concept of forgiveness means to me.
There is a person in my life, who I was vulnerable with... I told this person all of my deep dark secrets and fears. I felt as if I was loved and accepted for who I am. This individual realized that they could not commit to a relationship in which both parties are invested equally and decided that it would be best for them to exit stage right. Despite being devastated about this I realized that this is a monumental chessed "kindness" from hashem. I was so invested in this person, in their well-being and their happiness that I ignored the blaring, flashing warning signs that were going off within our friendship that would have let me know that I was the one that was being used to prop this other individual up. Everyone has friends who unknowingly will turn to them only when they need something, these friends look to their "helpers/consolers" to make sure that everything is okay. We all need people like this in our lives, yet when someone is always taking and taking and never giving back to the relationship it is no longer a relationship. A relationship implies that there is a back-and-forth between two individuals. You become a prop in their life: Something to make them feel good and to provide them with encouragement when they are feeling low.
When this person exited my life I wasn't sure how I could forgive them. I felt betrayed, embarrassed, and ashamed of how much I had cared for them. Seeing this quote actually helps me to understand how and why I have been able to forgive them. I forgave them because I know they didn't mean to hurt me despite the fact that they did. I forgave them more for myself rather than for them. I loved this individual for who they were... and there is something to be said for the fact that they felt that they couldn't return that but knew I deserved it. I forgave this person because I had a great love for them and I want them to be happy. I forgave them because in the words of my mother " May G-d bless and keep him far away from me". I forgave them because I needed forgiveness. I forgave them because I needed to. I forgave them because I want to move on and no longer have them as a thought in my head. I forgave them because I love Hashem, and Hashem loves me and I know that there are going to be better things for me in this world.
Forgiveness starts with the understanding that the other person is not perfect. That there has never been an expectation for the other individual to be perfect but we are human and we bruise and sometimes break each other. Forgiveness comes from a love of the other person. Not from a romantic love but from a love that crosses boundaries and allows us to see each other as neshamot, as individuals who are trying. A love that comes more from compassion rather than an exacting nature of "oh, you did this for me...now I have to do this for you".
Forgiveness stems from understanding. Understanding stems from a removal of ego and a comprehension of our own fallibility. Our ability to comprehend our own fallibility can be one of our greatest weaknesses, alternatively it can also be our greatest strength if harnessed appropriately. When we are able to love ourselves, look at ourselves with an acceptance of our own mistakes, weaknesses and pitfalls, we can fall in love with ourselves fully. Once we are able to do that then we can hope to understand another and grow to forgive them. It is not easy and by no means am I done on this forgiveness journey.
I am off to a good start and getting better everyday by investing in myself, my own pursuits and my own happiness.
Photo: K. Kaufman "There is nothing as whole as a broken heart"
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